One thing I'm being reminded of every day I'm here is the need to surrender what I think should be. I should be getting enough sleep. I should be getting enough food. I should be getting enough alone time. I should be hanging out with people more. I should be trying to think of ways to do things more efficiently. I should be on time for everything.

And this way of thinking often translates to projecting your own should bes on other people. You should be quieter. You should be on time. You should be more engaging. You should be funnier. You should be nicer. You should be smiling. You should be content. You should be better.

And if that wasn't enough, then we start forcing this way of thinking on to everything around us. The sun should be warmer. The wind should be cooler. The clouds should be fluffier. The showers should be cleaner. The Porta potties should be nicer. The ground should be grassier. The hill should be shorter. The tents should be comfier.

Over and over and over, we organize our world according to what we think should be. But what happens when things don't go our way. There are multiple reactions, but they are almost never positive (in fact, I've never had a positive reaction). We get angry, bitter, upset, sad, irritated, frustrated, afraid, uncontent, amongst a million other things.

If I was holding on to what I thought should be then I would hate Training Camp. Nothing goes as I think it should. But you know what. That's okay. In fact, it's better than okay! It's good!!

Letting go of one thing you think should be at a time is so hard, because then you cling to the other things so much more dearly. I'm being forced to let go of everything I think should be, at the same time.

It's hard. I forget sometimes that I'm letting go of my expectations. And that's okay, because I'm not going to tell myself that I should be better at this.

There's nothing that should be. There's only what is. When Moses asked God, "When they ask who's sent me, who should I tell them?" God said, "I AM has sent you." God is completely present, but He's also completely in the future and past. We need to trust Him to arrange everything exactly as it should be, according to His definition (which is perfect).

For anyone who's wondering why this came to mind, I'm reading a really great chapter in a book (Rise of the Mystics by Ted Dekker) that compares letting go of everything you think should be to having peace in the storm. When you focus on the storm that threatens your life, you let go of everything else that you think should be. In the same way, when you focus on God (who is so much more powerful than any little storm), you let go of everything the same way!