Okay, this will probably be the first of many "struggle" posts, but right now, it's the only thing I'm really wrestling with, so praise God!

When we were doing the market simulation, we had debriefing afterwards, and a lot of hard questions were asked. The ones that struck me the most were, "What do we do if someone steals from us?" and "Can we give things to the people who need them?"

Maybe it wasn't so much the questions that shook me, but the answers. "If someone steals from you, there's not really much you can do, but you can rejoice in knowing they probably need it." "Be in tune with the Holy Spirit and listen to your hosts."

What's hard for me is knowing that A. Things do get stolen (I'm not super worried about this, except for if my phone gets stolen, because I actually have a lot of important documents stored on there) And B. It's not a hard yes or no answer for if we give to people (it's going to take a lot of explaining to tell you all why I'm anxious about this)

I'm going to explore more of the second struggle on this post, but just know that I'm asking for prayer on both.

Okay, have all of you heard the saying, "Don't lean on your shovel and ask God to dig you a hole?" No? Well, now you have.

I'm worried that if I feel led to give something important (a warm coat, waterbottle, my Bible), I'll either not do it because I need it, or do it and need to depend on God to take care of me.

Now, you might be thinking, "Aren't you on the Race to learn how to depend on God more?" Yes, but my struggle is I don't want to throw away something I need, and have God be like, "I gave you all the tools you needed, why didn't you use them." I don't believe He would ever say this to me, but I can't shake the feeling that it's wrong to depend on Him to fulfill my needs.

It's twisted. It's a lie from the enemy. There's no part of it that's true. So why can't I move on from it?

In truth, I have moved on a little, because of a writing activation they gave us, and God was speaking to me as I wrote down my worries and anxieties. One thing He put in my mind, is a new way of thinking of the shovel analogy. "If God asks me to give up my shovel when I still need to dig a hole, then it's His job to dig the hole for me, give me the strength to do it by hand, or bring me a new shovel."

I think what I need to focus on is the fact that God won't ask me to do something, then not provide. Isn't that what I've been saying over and over again?! I really belive that He's going to walk me through this one step at a time, but I'd love some prayer coverage while I try to figure this out❤️